I have been thinking about Ava alot lately. I have been seeing butterflies everywhere! My husbands grandmother passed away about two weeks ago so that has been hard. At the wake I saw my husbands cousins baby that was born just a few days after I lost Ava. I tried to hold him but started to get upset. Just the weight of him in my arms was upsetting. I guess I haven't held any little babies since I lost her. But there is something about her son that will always remind me of what I am missing out on. I will always see Ava when I look at him.

October 15th is pregnancy loss remembrance day. Please light a candle at 7p.m. your time.
If you created a bedroom for your baby tell us what it was like.

Ava was going to share a room with her older brother till we moved to a bigger house. We figured that she would stay in a bassinet in our room till she was about three months anyway. We had set up the crib on one side of the room and she had "All you need is love" bedding set. It was bright colors and very cute. I always pictured her as cheery and warm and figured this set would suit her well.

Did you have it ready for them before they were born?

Yes. I was 28 weeks pregnant when we lost Ava.

If so how did you cope coming home to it without your baby?

My husband had come home and taken the crib down before I got home from the hospital. He had asked me what I wanted him to pick up.

Did you pack it all away?

My Husband took apart all of the furniture and put it in the attic. He left out the bedding and her pink bear. He also took down the baby swing. I can only imagine how this was for him. I had told him I also needed to put away some of her things for closure when I was ready. He spent alot of time trying to protect me from the pain. Her bassinet had come UPS while I was in the hospital and it was put in a closet in the front rooom and is still there today. Her bedding and bear the some of her clothes are in closets in various rooms. I don't want to put them to far away.

What is your baby's room now?

It is still her big brothers room. I guess since it was always his room and the crib had only been in there a short time it makes it a little easier. At first I really didn't want to be in there but now it is fine. We planted a butterfly garden for her in the back yard and that is really where I remember her.